Confusion

I spent the night feeling very lost and lonely and wanting to go home, get out of here, find familiar faces and comforts.  I thought that I would give up.  My feelings had to do with the fact that the noise and light and lack of warmth were closing in on me.  I still struggle with living in a noisy, bright, rowdy place.  Fluorescent lights flicker endlessly.  Music blares all day Sunday and last night the hostel was playing music too.  Not what I had expected for Bhutan.  And certainly not what many of my colleagues are experiencing.  The local families retreat to their television illuminated homes.  Sunday smoke of burning plastic garbage filled my house, thick poisonous smoke. 

Advantages:  I can buy whatever I want - almost- in the local shops.  Thought I was going to let go of consumerism.  Now am thinking about my new house and how to decorate. Another advantage - I almost always have power and will connect my new house with the internet - pretty fast service. 

 Here is my struggle - it's not why I came to Bhutan.  I have lived without streetlights - in the dark, so to speak - for well over 20 years.  I really dislike the light and the amplified noise. 

I have a full body rash - it is immune system related, along with a cold sore.  Discouraged. 

This morning I got up, did my yoga and went to class.   I enjoy the teaching and being busy and forget about all of the above.  So will see how it goes.  One day at a time.  Live in the present.  Face the dark, cold rain that has blown in over the past 10 minutes, looks as though it may be here for awhile. 

ps.  Upside: I downloaded about 10 movies from a friend last night so watched Julie and Julia. Again, not what I expected, imagined or hoped for when planning this adventure.  But it is what it is.